rear view mirror.

The saying goes hindsight is always 20/20…

Almost two years ago I wrote my intentions for writing this blog were so I’d have a place to come back to. And on this cold night in January, I’ve come back. If the me I was two years ago looked at the me I am tonight…I’m not so sure she’d like what she sees.

I was so brave and I was so in love with the world and its whimsy. I was brave to write truthfully and honestly about my faith and my joy and my fear. So brave that I got on a bus at 6am to spend a day in the snow just me and my skis, I took bike rides for no reason at all and let myself wander to my hearts content, I wrote about my ex, threw myself onto a bungee trampoline made for children 3 times smaller than me…I was enchanted by life. Mesmerized by God’s love and his plan for me, so eager to play and to grow.

This past weekend I was in Orlando, FL at Disneyworld. About 3/4 of the way through Pirates of the Caribbean, our boat stopped. I was unfortunately stuck listening to “Yo Ho Yo Ho A Pirates Life for Me” for 20 minutes before the lights came on and we were evacuated. We were lead out a side door where all of the back stage unattractive machinery was kept and then given a fast pass as compensation for the inconvenience. The magic was lost.

I have somehow stopped my boat and turned all of the lights on on this ride called life. I’ve let pressures of graduating and joining the big girl world and the physically and emotionally demanding responsibly of being a student-athlete and captain of my team, suck all the magic out of life. My fast pass through this year has robbed me of adventure, wonder, and dreaming.

I want to experience whimsy again. And I’ll start with LOVE…big, overbearing, exclamatory, compelling love.

1001 Things

A girlfriend recently told me about this challenge called 1001 Things. Everyday you are to write down what you are thankful for..things that make you smile or warm your heart. I think I’m gonna do it, we’ll see how faithful I stay to it. Joy is a choice, each morning you have to wake up and choose to see the glory and the awe in every day.
My list for today:
The hole in the wall coffee shop, iced coffee, plaid flannels, bronzer, the mountains, the way the weather gives me a gorgeous warm beautiful day before a big snow, stopping to pet a puppy…sigh

full

“Wagon Wheel” plays with the sound of a thunderstorm in the background and I’m snuggled up in the middle of the bed next to the sweetest American bulldog, Zoey, you will ever meet…it’s beautiful, peaceful, and I feel FULL.

I’m on a mini vaca, well at least that’s how I’m choosing to look at it. A week away from Boulder, in a HOME; where the kitchen has every utensil I could ever need, the pantry is full, and love and kindness hangs on the walls. So, yesterday afternoon I was reading my Bible at the kitchen table (oh, it’s the small things really) and wanted to share a bit of what I found. Matthew 20:26-28. It’s about leadership. A real leader has a servant’s heart. In leading others, you are ultimately serving them. And to effectively lead you must take those hearts you are leading and put them before yourself. I love this verse as it turns the tables on what we generally think of when we define leadership. Ahh I’m so in love with how the Bible does that to me. Today I went for a 5+ mile bike ride. Ten minutes in, it started to pour. It was absolutely INVIGORATING. After I made myself an egg white omelet with roma tomatoes, onions, and cheese. The aroma of the blended ingredients swirled around the kitchen and lingered. Heavenly.

Feeling so full and content on this night, alone in a big house. God has so gently reminded me what is truly important in life and put things in perspective. One: EVERYTHING happens for a reason, even if you can’t see why right away. Two: you CAN”T make it through life without girlfriends. A true friend is a soul mate. I have felt so loved and so cherished by old friends and new ones these past couple of days. Life and happiness is simply better when shared with others.  Three: it’s all about choices. I have the power to choose joy and see the good, and so I WILL.

Oh, and I am also madly in love with the way music doesn’t hurt when it hits you.

free spirits

I have fallen madly in love…

This Wednesday night a group of us girls spend the entire  evening out on the candle lit deck eating, drinking, hula-hooping, dancing, coloring, singing…ahh it was beautiful. Music and laughter swirled around the deck and through the trees. Everything was carefree. We were loving summer, loving each other, and loving life.  I know it sounds awful and so cliché but let’s be honest, I am the biggest sap you will ever meet but I mean it wholeheartedly when I say ‘love’. I am so grateful for the beautiful people I am blessed to call my friends. I am constantly reminded to be appreciative of nature’s peace and beauty. I have fallen, fallen hard for summer and for my world in this little hidden valley.

 

gary charles

You used to without fail tuck me in every night after saying our extended version of Now I Lay Me…you never failed to leave the house without kissing me good day to tell me you love me…you’ve never failed to tell me “Be safe” when I hang up the phone…and Dad, you have never failed me. I am SO incredibly blessed, thankful, and proud to call this man my father; a man who has shown me what LOVE is by the way he treats my mother and his two girls, a man of such high INTEGRITY, now a man who has exemplified what it means to truly live in FAITH with an ever strengthening testimony, an HONEST man who instilled in me the value of one’s word, a man who welcomes his wrinkles because well “wrinkles go where SMILES have been”. I hope this Father’s Day was filled with smiles. I love you Dad, Happy Father’s Day.